“Our children will feel loved and cared for if we’re practicing that kind of dialogue,” she said. “Do not shy away from asking the deeper, harder questions.” Dr. Moutier recommended being curious about your teenager’s world, asking things like, “How is that situation at school affecting you and your friends?”
Laura Anthony, a child psychologist at Children’s Hospital Colorado and an associate professor at the University of Colorado School of Medicine, said that one common mistake that even she sometimes makes is trying to solve a child’s problems. “What I need to do is just listen,” she said.
She works as the co-leader of the hospital’s youth action board, and teenagers with mental health histories compiled suggestions about how they would like their parents to help. One suggestion: Don’t assume that your kids are struggling all the time, Dr. Anthony said. Instead, consider questions like, “What’s taking up your head space?” Or, “What are you grateful for?”
Another suggestion: Parents should not discipline kids by taking away their phones. “Our teens say, this is not the time for a lot of punishment, you need to give us encouragement, help us have fun,” Dr. Anthony said, “and taking away the phone is really like taking away a lifeline.”
We need better data on mental health, Dr. Leeb said, and on well-being and quality of life. “We are learning a great deal,” she said. “I personally am hopeful for the future,” adding that she’s had several discussions with her children (who are 11, 15 and almost 18) about what the future looks like.
Ask teenagers, “How is this time affecting you?” Dr. Moutier said, and if they are experiencing any kind of struggle. And make it clear that no challenges are insurmountable, she said, “those are really important words for parents to say.”